i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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