Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
