clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
