He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
