I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
