Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She's the barista slut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
