i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
