I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
