I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
