i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
