Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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