the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
