I'd wear matching sweaters with you
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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