btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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