I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
