We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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