Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
