hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nicole vs. Life
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
