I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
