Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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