Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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