i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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