I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
