somebody snuck up and got me drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
