I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
