Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize