I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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