i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
