On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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