the new term for farting is butt boxing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
