I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
