life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
