So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize