Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
