Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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