Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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