you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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