Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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