If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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