FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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