apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize