My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
