Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
