Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
