Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
