i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't deserve a penis
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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