I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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