Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
