yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
