Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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