Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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