I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
