oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
