is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
