Non-Jews are for practice
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
