WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
