It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
