like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
