Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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