You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
