Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
