He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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