Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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