Define "chronic" masturbator.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize