i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
