I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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