PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
