im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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