Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
