Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
