i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
