You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
