What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
