my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
