I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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