cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
