Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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