I got chris browned last night
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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