If that was your dad, he is hot
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
