He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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